Being a HR - Tough call! The real conversations begin...

I am seated in my office with the back of my seat facing the door while staring outside the window into the Kisumu Simba Club grounds which was directly in my line of view. Occasionally, I would be interrupted from my trance by a “Hi Tom” or a “Morning Arody” greeting from my colleagues who were checking into the office for their day’s work….

I can be an early riser and be at work equally very early, hence the fact that I would be in before many colleagues came in…

Behind the closed doors of my office and the private earpiece of my mobile phone; I have had quite a lot of tales from people –staff and friends alike – who need someone to listen to them and keep them sober. Severally, I have been a consumer of very deep and intimate yet emotional narrations that demanded a lot of psychological strength to sit through with a straight face.

Yet, none was ever quite the same as the other. When they came, they arrived in my ears and at my face line the cluster bombs that were dumped in some war we read about in our books and newspapers. I was never hard enough not to be shocked by the tale from the next call or the next person who walked through my office door….

And it came sooner than expected as my phone rang in the mid morning hours of that day that appeared uneventful in the beginning. My caller was some friend I had met years earlier, not in my age bracket but quite a humble and lovable fellow.

“Hello man! How are you doing? It has been long since we spoke Bwana huh?” I said into the phone as I picked it.

“Arody, I want to see you. Now. Are you in your office? I am headed there shortly”, he quickly responded and then hung up.

I continued to earn my salary for the day by focusing on the official work before an alert from our front office that my pal had walked in and was asking to see me briefly….

He walked in and took a seat and sat very pensively for quite some time before asking to close the door behind him. In the course of my practice, I have had numerous requests from staff, partners of staff and friends to close the door behind them. It has always been time to lean forward on my part and offer that attention that they need to open up. He did.

‘Arody, sorry to reach out to you after several month of never calling or contacting you but it is imperative that I speak to you. I do not know why but my situation required me to speak to someone like you as I have a feeling that you are the right one”, He began.

“Feel free to share with me your concerns buddy, I am all ears and here for you bro!”, I said calmly.

What I learnt in the course of my experience in listening to people who present challenges is to be welcoming, show empathy and do a lot of listening. That way, they open up more and faster. Of course with the risk of a breakdown on their part which is what calls for me to be strong enough to be that solace they need.

“You know, I have had my youngest kid in and out of a clinic severally with no respite for his recurring but inexplicable bouts of illnesses”, he went on with obvious sadness in his face. Almost visible hopelessness setting in.

“So, we have been taking this kid to hospital with little changes and were wearing out until some day the doctor asked that we have our child tested for HIV which to us was no big deal and we quickly consented”,

The discomfort in the room was palpable and I knew something harder was coming to hit me. It did not hit me in the next statement yet.

“Our baby tested positive for HIV and we were out of words omera! We had no thought that all the health problem our baby was facing were due to an immune system that was under attack from HIV”, He went on as he bowed his head in agony.

“Rabet, I am so sorry to hear about that development in regards to your child’s sickness, I hope he will get better though”, I said to him as I moved next to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

“So, we were asked by the doctor as well to take the test whose results retuned positive for both of us Wuod Sakwa”, he said as he raised his head and looked into my eyes.

That is the moment when one realizes that they have no manual or classroom notes to prepare them for the realities of life 101. It dawned on me that I was in charge and responsible for the entire outcome of this whole discussion.

I have noticed that men can present very tough situations and try to remain calm while tearing inside and right then, I knew this was bigger and the harder part was coming. I was out of words to say in this case and only rubbed his shoulder as a way to empathize with my friend…

“You know”, he went on after fighting the tears that made his eyes quite glazed. “We were asked to bring our other two children to the clinic for testing and they are all waiting for me in the parking downstairs my dear. My entire family is in the car out there having told them I am coming to see you and talk to you briefly; they have all tested HIV positive my brother!”

That is when I realized the weight that he placed on me. I was responsible for making sure he left my office with a straight face, with hope, with determination and the drive to face his and his entire family circumstances...

Unfortunately, no manual prepared me for this kind of crisis. No classes had such case studies and I had never in my life expected to handle such a dilemma. I knew it then that if I let him walk out there feeling hopeless then his entire family would be dead of depression, illness or even a car accident.

He concluded his bombshell on me,”I did not know whom to go to or whom to talk to but something guided me to look for you. I believe I made the right choice omera”

“Yes you did bro!” I said as I looked into his eyes feigning bravery that we both needed so much then more than any other day in our lives….

Then the real conversation began..