Coping with a job loss.

I post this old article I had done on Facebook years ago for its relevance during the COVID-19 related job losses.

I dedicate this piece to those who have suddenly found themselves jobless now or in the past. And to those who see no harm in having insights on what joblessness can feel.

In my professional job as a HR in the many years, I have had to communicate to colleagues the news of impending job losses months in advance, one month before or had some abruptly separated from employment in what is known as summary dismissal in our Kenyan labour context. There are also instances where one can be under investigations discreetly as a case is building up against them for a termination decision to be made. Those ones have always presented me with the toughest emotional challenges.

As a HR, I might know that one is going to be jobless out of an advanced investigation from the updates I receive and not give them a heads up even if they were people I generally liked or even loved. I have had to live with watching people arrive to work daily and leave very happy while I know that they would be presented with airtight cases of pilferage or fraud the next morning and probably be jobless in a few hours. It is not easy being in our shoes in such instances. It can make a male HR like me wish to be heavily pregnant so as to proceed on an early maternity leave and avoid being the executor of the separation decision.

I can confirm that very few human beings enjoy communicating the news of a job loss to someone they have worked with even in the face of breaches of regulations where separation is sanctioned by the law. What I know is that the result of a job loss has always been devastating for many victims whether they worked for 7 months or 30 years. 

Despite being the handler of the information on terminations in many cases; I have also been jobless many times. The first time for 6 months, second for 1 year and the third one for 4 months. All these instances have provided me with life lessons on the effect of a job loss on people notwithstanding that they could have been voluntary exits like my cases have been.

I have watched separating employees cry in my face, be unresponsive at all – emotionless, plead, beg, issue threats, throw massive tantrums, make the decision makers doubt if they made the right call when being given the communication on their job losses. Some have taken me – on behalf of the employer – to labour offices to contest decisions etc. In the end, the most common contributor to the reactions is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of how one will survive financially, provide for medical insurance for his or her family and be able to meet their numerous obligations to self and family.

Then the self-blame might set in where one starts to rationalize why they might have lost the job and what ways they could have avoided the predicament. In many cases, a job loss may not be the fault of the employee and that is called redundancy. Even in such cases, the affected employees will start to imagine that they are let go because they never dressed better than the ones remaining, never did a specific task well or proposed an idea that annoyed the gods of employment. 

Denial also comes into play and the idea that the employer might have made a wrong decision starts to play in their minds. They end up imagining that they will be called back to work after the ´mistake´ is realized etc. Of course there is anger bordering on murderous rage. I know of cases where terminated employees have avenged by killing or assaulting their colleagues, HRs or bosses. 

I must admit that most of these reactions are common and natural even with a varied degree of intensity. The grief for a loss is all fine. However, they can profoundly impact on one´s recovery from their job loss and return to employment. 

I will at this point insert the most remarkable statement my dad ever told me as he faced the terminal point of his fight with prostate cancer. He said ´´I will be dead soon. What I want you to remember is that when I die, I am the one who will have died and not you. Mourn my death, pick up your pieces and move on with your life with a focus on your wellbeing and that of your family¨

You may wonder why this example is necessary in this writing.

It is because I have in the past received calls, messages, emails and heard stories of panic from people who have lost their jobs suddenly or with a notice. Not to mention threats of suicide and outright depression that I have also come into contact with. These as well as my experience have always reinforced what I always tell myself and those who reach out to me when they find themselves without jobs. That ´The loss of a job may not kill you but your reaction to joblessness can kill you´´

This is not however meant to belittle the effects of job loss on people and their immediate families. There are families that have been devastated beyond recognition because of job losses by their breadwinners. Children that have had the course and quality of their lives permanently altered and marriages that have been shattered completely.

The effects of losing a job are many and real. They include loss of self-esteem and self-worth (for the married or those in relationships, sex drive goes out through the window and partner starts imagining infidelity and compounds the stress even further), loss of a sense of security (The steady and consistent flow of salary creates it and cements it while the loss takes it away), loss of professional identity (as you know, many of us do not complete their introductions without appending their profession in the same sentence. I am Arody, a HR), loss of professional networks and colleagues (As I always say, your calls from these circles will reduce drastically and be gone in just a month) among many other tens of reactions and effects.

What I know is that job losses happen even to the best talent in the market.  Do not start beating yourself for your predicament and drown in self-pity. It is important that one adjusts to the reality of a job loss as soon as is possible after the grief period is over. Grieving over a job loss indefinitely stops one from seeing opportunities that may be right under their noses. Job losses can be viewed as a temporary setbacks and hurdles in the journey that is life and not call for quitting but a strategic approach on how to soldier on. Do not be embarrassed by your job loss even if it was out of your fault, draw lessons from the mistakes.

It is important to share one´s currents status with their families and close friends. This provides an avenue for them to also adjust their expectations of them and reduce the pressure that comes from the desire to continue fitting in and meeting the expectations. Whenever I am out of employment, I tell my wife -for her, when I give notice or make the decision to quit-, my mother and siblings immediately. This makes them adjust too and not include me in proposals and plans including WhatsApp groups that will inadvertently place pressure on me mentally and financially. 

Do not ever lie that you have a job while you have been separated from employment. You will have to fake going to that job each morning and it will bring expectations with it.

Then I tell my circle of friends so they know that they can share opportunities that they may come across that fit my profile. Since they are in employment, they get to see more adverts and be in networks that I am getting deprived of. These networks count even when some may run away and not respond to calls or texts even if they are just basic ´Hi´ texts. 

Just so you know, calls will almost become non-existent when you have no job. Your phone will keep the battery power for 7 days. No big deal; you will also have lived for a whole 7 days without a call. That is positive.

By sharing with your family and friends about your fears, anxiety and other feelings; you slowly manage the loss and get back to your feet.

Remember to surround yourself with positive energy and redefine relationships at the same time. Joblessness brings to the fore; traits that are not desirable among people you thought are your friends. Recalibrate them, redefine them and move them from the bulls eye of your circle to the periphery if need be. Avoid those whose entire conversation is to pour pity rather than hope on you. They will not make you feel any better. Pity when you are moving on from acceptance and focusing on moving on will drag you.

It is also very important to treat cycles or cases of being jobless as learning points. In my first jobless cycle, I felt that I was abandoned by people I thought I knew well to have my back.  I even ran a car wash business where less than 10 friends would bring their cars for the service while I knew over 50 people who could as well ´give me business´. Of this number, one was a driver I had hired in a previous job and three were former colleague. I learnt to focus on what I had, appreciate what I had done in my career and reinforce my belief in my capacity even in such circumstances.  I leant that I was able to have a complete jua kali carwash breakfast for Kshs. 30 (0.3 dollars) and lunch for the same amount.

No, many people who know you in person rarely give you business. That is a lesson I insist I carry with me. 

Do not be in a panic mode forever. Panic can be substituted by planning and projection. Even in that state of joblessness, one can give themselves goals and work towards them. They could be reading, writing, self-improvement, sports, taking up a hobby. At times, one will miss their targets or even send numerous job applications with no response, but that does not call for quitting any way. 

Sometimes, all you need is to look for a HR or Recruiter and ask them to have a look at your CV and letter and review it for you. Many people have lost jobs when the only version of CV they have is the one they used to get the job they have been fired from. They panic and do not know how to rewrite and capture their achievements, past roles and qualifications well. Many of us will gladly offer to give that support – for free when time allows. It is important to note that rewriting  a CV is not a 1 hour event so when the person you ask to assist calls for more time; be patient.

When you get a call for an interview, leave your battered self-esteem feeling behind. Job interviews and jobs just like dates or relationships can be affected by if one has gotten over their last ended one. There are many people who go for interviews with a low sense of self-worth and fail to shine because they still look at themselves as failures for losing the past job. Just as one would have a bad start at a new date for not getting over their immediate former ex. As my colleague says, ´´Remember, even when you had a terrible relationship or marriage, the next person you meet is not your ex. They deserve a chance and fair judgement¨. It would be apt to say therefore that even if you lost your job by your fault of omission or commission or redundancy, the next job is not your previous job.

Keep your head high.

Remember also to seek professional help or ask that you be supported to get some if you feel that your reaction to your job loss is rather unbearable and taking a bigger toll for longer and damaging you and those around you. They are there to help. 

And most importantly, when you get another job or establish a successful business; do not revenge against those you felt had abandoned you. It will be too much baggage to carry in your next stage. Use such experiences as lessons; lend a hand to them and everyone else whenever you can nevertheless. That way, they also draw lessons – rich life lessons.